Why is it that we let the words of others, even in blog form, so acutely affect us? Don Miller recently wrote some words to men and women about living a great love story. I thought the efforts were brilliant on his part. They were honest, candid, and real. He did not gloss over any topics or try to sugar-coat anything. I didn’t agree with everything he said and there were a few grammatical errors as well as a couple lines that led me to believe his theology is a bit different than what I understand to be true, but overall I found them powerful and well-written.
After reading the posts, I began to scroll through the comments. Things appeared to be normal with the obligatory “you are awesome, I somewhat worship your words, you change my life” statements that are so frequent on the blogs of popular writers, but then it took a dramatic shift. Particularly in the article written for women, people began to lash out against Don’s use of the word “slut” as well as his theology. They did not simply express a differing opinion, but began to tear into Don and his character.
I was shocked.
Why are people offended? Why are they getting angry? Surely we can hear a contrary opinion to own own without becoming irate, right?
I thought so, but then I realized more of what is truly happening. People were mainly offended by Don’s theology or word choice. He was very blunt in his writing and used the words “slut” and “slutty” to describe women who sleep around frequently. But the true motive behind all of the anger and defensive rebukes is PRIDE.
No, his theology is not perfect. There are things in the post that I disagree with. But guess what? My theology isn't perfect either. And neither is yours. If you think it is, then you value your own interpretation of the truth more than you value the truth itself. This is where our pride starts to creep in and take control. God has not revealed all of Himself to us. We cannot possibly fully know or understand God, so it is time we stop acting like we can.
As for Don's word choice, if you are offended, then it is likely because of your pride fighting the guilt or shame associated with the words. The word "slut" is certainly a word that brings with it an overwhelming sense of emotion, especially for those with a sexual past. It is not slang. It, by definition, means a careless or promiscuous woman (really, you can look it up). Don used it perfectly. One commenter used that argument that Jesus never said “slut.” Well, I can’t argue the accuracy of that statement, but he also didn’t speak english and that word did not exist. Jesus did, however, use the word prostitute, so it seems that He wasn't afraid to speak honestly. I fail to see how it is not more offensive to call a promiscuous woman a slut than to call a person who gets paid for sex a prostitute. Offense is taken only when our PRIDE kicks in and we are faced with a reality that we don't want to admit. We lie to ourselves about our true nature and depravity, thus feel pain, guilt, and shame when confronted with that label. At that point, we can either humble ourselves and admit our brokenness, begging for grace and forgiveness, or we can stick to our pride and become defensive, arrogant, and angry. It should not be difficult to see which approach we are taking.
Don's message is not inerrant truth. He is not God. He is a man (prone to sin, just like the rest of us), trying to communicate a message he believes will help others. The same applies to many other blogs. If you don't agree with what someone says or what you read, that's fine, but there is not reason to be offended or hurt. Your security and significance are found in God and His Truth, not what any man or woman has to say. So next time you’re hurt or offended, check your motives. What’s really going on inside? Take a moment to pause before lashing out in self-preservation.
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